Team Spotlight - I Wanna Be Like You Ooh Ooh

From the Chronicles of Coach Safehanded:

Commonly referred to by the shorthanded IWBLYOO, ‘I Wanna Be Like You Ooh Ooh’ are a team of darn dirty apes. Originally conceived by near demented head coach ‘Big’ Sterl Shulvorang as a resistive protest to the seemingly oppressive league commissioner, Tomofan Bowlychews, the team quickly evolved into a pure passion project. With a nice mix of lovely happy-go-lucky hairy boys, and chewy, bitey bean bag boulders, the team aims to, and I quote “Not be last this season”. Yeah… Good luck with that one.

(The fact that this team also upsets fellow coach and otherwise lovely bloke, Baberto Uppey, is simply a nice bonus).

Optimus Primate (Silverback)

The fate of humanity is at stake when two races of gorillas, the good Apeobots and the villainous Deceptimonks, bring their war to a planetary scale. These select gorillas have the ability to change into different outfits and hats as they seek the key to ultimate power. With faeces flying, and ape tailoring in short supply, only Optimus Primate can save the world from total destruction. But first, there’s a blood bowl league to be won.

Mojo Jojo (Gorilla)

An incredibly intelligent gorilla, Mojo Jojo often dreamed of conquering far off worlds. He displays a great love for Saturday mornings and an irrational hatred of the colours pink, green and blue. His smarts and strength are a true asset to IWBLYOO. Mr Teeny (Gorilla) Make no mistake, Mr Teeney is massive. Once working under a cruel and vicious troop leader with a flair for the dramatic, known as the Mojoker, Mr Teeney learnt first-hand the brutality of a feared leader. On regular assaults on neighbouring tribes, the Mojoker would brutally turn on his own men so as not to have to share the looted bananas back at camp. Mr Teeney abandoned the Mojoker and his crew, in order to rip the arms off opponents on the blood bowl field instead. Just never ask him how he got his scars. Grodd (Gorilla) A supremely gifted, and incredibly strong war chieftain, Grodd grew weary of his inferior company in his birth tribe of ‘Defective Chimpics’ and so broke free to explore the Marvellous opportunities of the Red Rose Blood Bowl League. Dr Zaius (Orangutan) A fraud and a charlatan, Dr Zaius’ doctorate is in social studies. He is devilishly handsome, flawlessly silver tongued and has cheated himself to the very top. Placing a bad bet with some even badder Monkfia apes, Dr Zaius lied his way out of trouble by pretending to be a 5-time Bowl winning league chimpion quarterback. DZ must now put his money where his bananas go, or else… Darwin (Bonobo) Former Zoo-Tube child-star. Ever heard of “baby monkey riding backwards on a pig”? Yeah, that was Darwin. His early onset celebrity status led to an inevitable downwards spiral during his tumultuous teen years. Grubs, booze, chimpettes; Darwin had it all. Checking into rehab, Darwin discovered an innate ability for the destructive arts, and soon found a love for all things blood bowl. With this itch that he just had to scratch, he signed up to IWBLYOO, and is determined to EVOLVE beyond his meagre, outdated celebrity status… Abu (Bonobo) Abu was born into one of the poorest and sparsest tribes planet wide. Having to steal to survive, Abu quickly learned many moves and trick to evade capture. Having been introduced to the love of his life, Ruge, by a mutual friend, Jeannie, Abu’s life was taking an upwards turn. It came to a crashing halt however, as Ruge and Genie were transformed into inanimate objects by a powerful vizier. Abu, for some reason, turned to blood bowl, and now plays for IWBLYOO. Bubbles (Bonobo) Bubbles was sold into servitude at a young age. His master was a mysterious colour changing warlock bard, who did very BAD things. Upon the death of his smooth criminal master, wherein all his master’s crimes were illogically forgiven for some reason, Bubbles was finally free for the first time in his life. He uses all his pent-up anger and traumatising memories in order to fuel his rage on the field. Marcel (Bonobo) Marcel is a big city, high swinging bonobo with a taste for the finer things in life. Marcel was spoilt growing up by his friendly adopted parents. A big music fan, Marcel was constantly turning it on again, off again, often ad nauseum. Whilst taking one of his many breaks, Marcel was captured by a slave keeper, and sold into servitude many times over. Eventually lading with IWBLYOO, Marcel is playing for his life, and dreams to one day be back in his simple 2 bedroom high rise, and overdo it by a couple of seasons. Caesar (Bonobo) Caeser and his best mate Brutus were inseparable. Until Brutus was stabbed. In the back. That did the trick. Devastated Caeser sank into a now years-long rage, and has been steered towards blood bowl as a coping mechanism. So far, it’s not working. Inquisitive Graham (Bonobo) Ironically nicknamed, Inquisitive Graham doesn’t give a monkeys about what’s going on with anyone else. He lives in his own little bubble and keeps himself to himself. Often refusing to speak, listen, or even open his eyes at times, IG has never witnessed any evil. His motivations and dreams are a mystery to all but himself. Blooming good blood bowl player though…